Scottish Collie.

One of the foulest things I've ever tasted. Not so much whisky as an unprovoked assault on the very concept of whisky. A deeply unpleasant experience.

King Robert.

If you look closely you'll see that this is named for King Robert II and not the infinitely more famous, Scottish national hero, Robert the Bruce. I suppose a third rate blended whisky is a fitting tribute to a man historians have described as 'undistinguished' (Donaldson, 1967) and 'not so successful' (Grant, 1992).*


*Thanks, Wikipedia.

Sir Edward's.

It's not entirely clear who Sir Edward is but his golden nectar is sold in two litre bottles so it'll keep you going all night. It's hard to make out but at the very bottom of the label it says, 'Matured in wood casks', a phrase that gets more confusing the more I think about it.

Pointer.

Nut. Came across this in an Estonian supermarket and got the boke just looking at it. Surely the result of some enterprising moonshiner 'going capitalist' in the 90's. 'Spirit with whisky' is the most ominous thing I've seen written on a bottle thus far.

Islay Mist.

If you can keep this cheeky little number down you'll be Islay Mist as a newt.

Black Ram.

Ah, that most famous of distillery regions - Bulgaria.

Dougherty's

Don't be fooled by the Irish sounding name, this is as Scottish as a thistle full of knife crime. Solid piece of bottle design - piper in a wax seal set against a magnolia backdrop. Simple and classic.

Blended Whisky.

A super shady name, a dubious and unclear point of origin, absolutely no claims of quality... this is as close to an alcohol equivalent of 'mechanically recovered meat' as there is. The label makes it look like some sort of novelty Father's Day shampoo but it gets a few points for the two steaming lions tearing into each other.

Highland Gold.

The bottle reminds me a bit of Scotsmac, a ludicrously cheap white wine and whisky mix that was the refreshment of choice on many fondly forgotten evenings in my salad days. All the elements of great bottle design are present and correct on this one - art therapy course-esque painting of a castle, super generic name and an absolute mess of fonts. The see through label puts a modern twist on a classic formula though. Beautiful.

Mac Lean.

This is clearly Tesco value stuff with the label steamed off and replaced with a high school graphic design project. While it wasn't enough to pull the wool over my eyes, hopefully it earned Messrs. Mac and Lean a passing grade.

Stewart's

This actually looks like it's probably alright.

MacArthur's.

There's something inherently appealing about maroon and light blue as a colour scheme. Always a cracking combination on a football shirt and equally striking as 'pop' colours on a whisky receptacle. And while we're on the subject of the beautiful game, every bottle appears to be autographed by Wigan Athletic and Scotland star James MacArthur. Win win.

Highland Queen.

Like Highland Chief for the discerning, dram loving lady. While obviously not as popular as High C in this particular shop, that majestic bottle looks hard to resist nonetheless.

Highland Chief.

One of the best names I've come across on my travels. It suggests a light hearted alcoholism that doesn't take itself too seriously. If this was more readily available in my neck of the woods it'd be my drink of choice regardless of quality. 8.30 a bottle too, marvelous!

Glen Talloch.

I'm not sure if there actually is a Glen Talloch or if it was just made up for this rare and old whisky. Either way, it's very old Scotch whisky. Choice.

Long John.

An 'authentic old blend', this. Absolutely stunning bottle, you'd probably keep this one for a special occasion like the birth of a grandchild or the announcement of imminent nuclear armageddon.

Avalonne.

The traditional image of a typical Scotsman piping in the morning sun by his mountain castle really sets the scene and made me a bit homesick. Must phone home later.

Clan Murray.

There's something vaguely sinister about the label, like the Saltire's wearing it's away strip or something. It comes in plastic half bottles though (or 'disposable hip flasks' as I like to call them) which is cool. There are loads of emblems on the bottle so it's probably really important.

Glen Scanlan.

I'm pretty sure I had this once and it was good. Will buy a bottle sometime and confirm or deny. Either way, here it is for your visual enjoyment. A lovely, magnolia labeled, affair.

Howard MacLaren.

A good rule of thumb for the budding whisky connoisseur is; the more fonts used on a label, the better the product inside. The use of security tags on every bottle suggest this is a highly sought after target for thieves and the fact they're square makes for easy storage and bulk buying convenience. All signals point to a winner here. Next time you're in a former Soviet satellite state load up your trolley with this.